Tom Cruise/ I’m getting radical .

Tom Cruise , regeneration, preparation and the Revolution.

Just talking about the Revolution….

Enter .

Self care Chrissy SAS ,

I’m

in my Black swat team spy outfit abseiling down from the ceiling , I look pretty neat especially with my short boyish hair , this is really working , I like myself today and actually Tom Cruise such a dish , gosh well , er , if he wasn’t a Scientologist .

So ..

I’m

no longer sinking into the abyss of deep hell , apart from my bloody sore grimmest ripper grimey tongue,I’m surfing the crest of the wave of chemo ,or actually right now I’m still dangling from the ceiling but anyway ..

There’s

something about chemo that takes much of you away ,I’ve learnt this rapidly , the drugs pummel the everything away from you , they make you scared like a tiny child, strip you naked and pull your very foundations to the ground and for me being a giant baby , the fear of further treatment and loss of self is huge ,it’s brutal and fast and must not continue, so this is it mission impossible and

It goes a little bit like this…(first Unclick my safety belt from ceiling )

Run the theme tune ,

Cut

Wake up , lemon water , yuck not my favorite thing , I skip this when my mouth is too painful, which it really is at the moment, puss all over my tongue today ,nice , ace , sexy not , um steroid wash instead or swish bicarbonate soda…..yuck

( please ,by the way, I pray my big spirit animal turtle of the sea , please save my fucking teeth)

Drink copious amounts of water lots and lots of water , Niagra falls volume of water.

A pile of vitamins from my impressive medical box , marked with a huge Red Cross sticker , I like it , it’s very dramatic, I’m not attention seeking at all , what’s so ever I promise er , um it’s all about me , what about me , me and little me ? Well I’ve got cancer after all … hello

Side note said medicine box has received some classic reactions so far door man of a hotel falls to his knees and wants to pray for me , okay sure all very odd but eat your heart out I say Thankyou .

Eat breakfast, something like porridge, a fried egg on rye bread that sort of thing , mid morning for the first time ever a real healthy snack , yes I said healthy so for example peppers and hummus, or a big bowl of nuts and I don’t gag .

lunch a huge salad , smoothie , green juice or eggs again , tea fish and loads of broccoli, apparently broccoli is the magic tree ( not a money tree by the way Theresa May ) , dark chocolate, okay it’s not so nice but .. turmeric milk makes up for it , strangely.

Consume a shed load of carrots ,big carrots till they are growing out of my ears bugs bunny , Peter Rabbit here we bong bong ..

I have never ever, ever , managed to side line or skip a flap jack or chocolate digestive or 6 before , especially when like me you keep your choccy biscuits in the fridge( top tip) now imagine that for a moment , yum, far too good to be true , but no more for me ,

I’m rebuilding my body for another full on Freddy Kruger attack and there after , it’s all I’ve got , high quality carbs , protein, fiber all the way , well apart from starting to meditate and finding yoga , I haven’t done that yet , bugger do I really have to? Damn ! Guess so ,

I’m

going to give this body all I can muster to get through this in one piece and throw everything at it including the kitchen sink , with abit of luck or a lot of luck I will come out still standing and with me even still slightly intact , possibly still whole not so broken and still me , that would be nice that’s my goal ,

I’m on a self care hell bent mission like never before a mission of what’s possible for me .

Forgive me self health chrissy nut bar or fruit too many loose , I’ve always hated the words self help it seems , indulgent, self obsessed, somehow quite greedy ,despite my books on my shelf , but not now

I’m letting myself hang loose well since i’m not stuck on the ceiling anymore ,

I’m self helping myself for all I’m worth well I’ve spent 26 years of my life massaging and making others feel better, perhaps it’s about the right time,about time and this cancer is a good excuse to get over it all and start doing it on me.

Long soak in the tub full of Epsom salts , wobbly algae skin feels taught ,

Body brush with care god I’ve never done this before .

Leg cream .

I’m brand new again .

New make up tricks ,

new brushes , ( well on my Christmas list) maybe I could do my face like Sharon Stone ? and get myself some plum lipstick like she wore in Basic Instinct or wear brown eyeshadow like Madonna does in Pappa Don’t preach ? , I could put on my Breton T and boyfriend jeans and pretend I’m 17 again , new ideas I like it , new approach to me … groovy , Cancer makes you think differently , just damn well look after yourself it shouts , ok , me .

I’ve a new desire to eat well, practice being well to rebuild myself on the good weeks and fortify for later , at least it gives me some power over this damn black hole some light at the end of this rat infested tunnel cancer is never coming back, it’s never ever going to reinvent or mutate or relocate in another location , location, location of this body . Never .no it’s most certainly not , I will take radiation and more surgery do what ever it takes , but it’s not coming back

I’m

building myself a Stronger, strong like Steel, like Teflon new resolve , even if I do feel a little shit today , I will try to turn it around .

I’m

going to turn this body into Fort Knox fortress ,a safe room even Jodi foster won’t escape.

There is no way I’m sitting back on this one ,Cancer will not return on my binoculars .

I’m

going to lead a happy well life again without the grimmest reaper bearing down on my shoulder with an axe breathing at my neck , hanging over my back , I’m going radical .

In one fell swoop my life has changed

No more massaging until I’m exhausted ,

I’m going to relax .

I’ve never worn nail polish in my life before , just not my thing , but apparently now is the time to help protect them from the ravishes of Kruger, so dang it I might as well be a girl for reals now , Zoyla toxic free ,animal cruelty free looks good to me . ( I could win Miss World you see)

I’m

gonna gain some wisdom, sit in stillness and just be from time to time Dalai Lama will be so proud of me , Reading , sleeping , the art of just being not caring and doing mighty fine .

Make better choices for myself , my health , my family , my future, I’m choosing my own adventure ( oh god cringe , self help me! Please !

I’m

going to see what’s out there what could lie ahead , all the new possibilities….

Maybe instead of massaging people and trying so hard , there is a new way for me to help people in the future, god knows I need all the help and knowledge I can get to help myself first though .

What’s a girl to do ? but help herself or get decidedly depressed and scared , well I would , I need a way to do more so I can orchestrate this next scene of this show , that’s just me I can’t just recline.

I’m turning on the radio

cancer makes me want to go back to earlier things ,safe things ,fond memories , ra ra skirts , I find myself listening to heart 80’s often this is new and singing along to the Thompson Twins , beautiful Peter Gabriel and the bangles but then Beverly Craven comes on save us !

Cut the drama out of your life , slash the detritus, best you can , pet soft Schnauzers, kiss their wet noses .

Cup your children’s faces , notice really notice the contours and their beautiful eyes and soft skin draw them in ,kind open hearts , slow down the special moments , stretch time .

Watch blue planet and try not to cry at the sheer wonder of it all, but also the horror of loosing it , that the ocean is suffering badly we need to wake up ,cancer brings you closer to your own death and all death , it’s startling it forces you to truly appreciate your Life in a much bigger way , like yes I’m going to die , it’s obvious now one day , but well I better damn well live the full breadth , width and depth of it all today ….

kindness , surround yourself with kindness and watch lots of comedy “ Grace and Frankie “ I love Jane Fonda my hero , what’s not to love and cheer you up ,my role model , gosh I need to continue, in my dreams , if I could be even a tiny bit like her …..

I’m going to get myself a laughing box , track one down

I had one when I was little , press the button turn it on and induce self combustion of continuous laughter in low moments.

Take me out of the gutter when I fall, noted .

Burn candles I have enough all my lovely presents ,

Flowers essences fuck yes I’m sniffing them to my nose content , tarot cards and crystal balls , omega 3’s , Daniel La Port , Laozi, frankincense, healing sleep anointing oil , of course why the hell not , count me in .

Bean sprouts erm not so good , maybe give those the boot , they are not growing well in my window , thank god !

Affirmations coming out of my nostrils , bring it on Tony Robbins “ I embrace my ability to thrive “ , give it too me

I’m doing the whole dame caboodle!

Whats not to loose !

Breathing in the leaves around me , walking briskly when I can letting oxygen flood my cells, noticing the sunshine , lapping it up

And figuring this thing out as I go along because I have to do something other than lie back and let the chemo take me .

Hustle the hell out of rebuilding self or at least try to keep her together xxx

Yay cash back , it’s not so bad after all ,

Balderdash , I do miss sweeties though .

I’m

moon juicing ,

I’m this and I’m that ing actually of course I’m not moon juicing at all what even is that ? Second thoughts , hello google …..

I’m

planning lovely things to look forward to , dreaming up cooking up a feast of things I would like to do ,

I’m

going learn to, paint , draw , dance by the full moon , even cook what ? Yes even cook , did I tell you I didn’t turn on the oven in my GCSE cooking ? , no because I never tell anyone, but since I’m in the habit of … well I burst out crying and said fuck it in front of the examiner! the next day I was a laughing stock of literally the whole damn school , yes it’s that bad ,I did pass though I think they felt sorry for me , I digress, but I’m going to cook up a feast , I really am , I don’t know what ever feels good , that’s what I’m going to do .

What ever feels good .

I’m

Drinking Real coffee with Alberto from the restaurant across the road in his lunch break and letting him tell me I’m strong .

I’m

eating

Lentils , chicken broth and hugging trees , I’m walking around the block with friends ,

Making pretty mandalas in the leaves .

breathing in lots of fresh air and really sucking in the seconds and scenery around me ,

I’m

feeling so terribly lucky to be loved like I am and so grateful for Everything Mikey is doing for me my king , spending hours making chicken broth, My best friend , my chef a la carte, shopping and putting up with me , spinning around in circles, standing on his head , my court jester to make me happy and comfy my nurse and making me feel generally loved deep into my bones my Romeo , telling one another how much we love one another even more often than before

I’m

fully alive , I don’t care anymore ,I will be me , that’s what I’m doing and when I can’t I will sleep or lay still and dream of the spring time and growing back my hair like Madonna pretending like I’m 17 and piecing me back together again and see what I will do .

I’m

ah yes I forgot, taking 1 aspirin a day

apparently reduces stress top tip pop pickers xxxx

Ah ps

seeing as though I’m going to all this effort of a full blown health Kick Chrystal Tips REVOLUTION, can we please stop Brexit anytime soon ? Or Tom Cruise can you do it ? Prettiest please …………………….. snore .